Monday, August 25, 2008

It is written ...

... in my most recent copy of Bay Weekly (I bet you were thinking "in the clouds" or something like that, due to my photo selection - I took it myself), some of the craziest horoscopes I've ever read. They were so out there, that I had to share. To start, here's mine:

Taurus (April 20-May 20): After studying your astrological omens, I closed my eyes and asked the spirits for a psychic vision that would symbolize your imminent future. The scenario that came up was a pair of toddlers dressed in fine purple satin garments and wearing golden hats. They looked like a prince and a princess and were wandering around inside a ritual circle about 10 yards in diameter, drawn with white chalk in a green meadow. Vases of cut flowers and statues of gods and goddesses ringed the circle. So what does this vision mean?

I was about ready to ask the same question. Huh?

Maybe this: Two magnificent possibilities have recently been born or will soon be born. You should cast a protective spell around them, letting them amble and dally within a proscribed area as their magic ripens.

I wonder what they could be. Any ideas?

Then, I cracked up laughing after reading my husband's sign:

Gemini (May 21-June 20): Some spas are now offering their clients "butt facials." The cost for smoothing and toning your skin in the lower realms can range up to $800 per session. At that steep price, I can't in good conscience mandate the procedure for you. But the astrological omens are favorable for you to take special care of the things at the bottom (ha, ha ... I get it) of your life, even if they are metaphorical in nature. So please brainstorm about how you could upgrade your ballast, strengthen your foundation and give your center of gravity a boost.

After reading that one aloud to my hubby, I couldn't stop snickering. My laughed turned into one of those silent ones, where you can barely breathe (tell me you know what I'm talking about). Tears rolled down my cheeks, and he began to worry.

"I'm okay," I finally was able to get out. "Want a butt facial?," and I was back to cracking up again.

I know; it's not that funny. I guess you had to be there. I need more sleep :-)

Anyway, lastly I'll share Jacob's horoscope, which actually related to his biggest obstacle at the moment (no, not the bouncing course from Bayfest, but something very similar). Here it goes:

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Michelangelo never finished two-thirds of the sculptures he started. Basketball mega-star Michael Jordan failed on 26 different occasions when he was given the ball to try the game-winning shot as time ran out. Of Bob Dylan's 57 albums, maybe only 15 of them are masterpieces. I bring this to your attention Sagittarius, in the hope that they will give you some perspective on the down times in your own track record.

You see, Jacob has been frustrated about trying to get across the monkey bars at school. He falls before he makes it to the other side. Rob Brezsny (the guy who writes these things) might be on to something. And so he continues:

More importantly, I want to let you know that in coming weeks you should have access to the kind of energy that Michelangelo, Jordan and Dylan had when they were creating their legends.

I hope this means Jacob will conquer the monkey bars soon. What do you think?

If you've managed to make it to the end of this post, you deserve a treat. Check out my latest idea on We Like It Raw. Thanks Dhru :-)


becoming whole said...

Those Monkey bars don't have nothing on Jacob. He just needs a little time and he will conquer them.

I just love this recipe. I had to go get in from gone raw.

Thanks, everything you make is so beautiful. You are really gifted.

Peggy the Veggie said...

I love that picture of yours at the top of the post. It's so lovely and blue and serene :)

Haha, those are some dang awesome horoscopes there, I can't imagine how "out-there" mine would be!

shannonmarie said...

Becoming whole, thanks for the support. He's working hard at finishing his task.

By the way, I stopped by your blog. I think you have a gift, too :-)

Thanks Peggy. I just had to use it in a post.

What's your sign? I'll type it up for you.

Peggy the Veggie said...

:) Yay, thanks! I'm an Aries.

shannonmarie said...

Here you go:

Aries (March 21-April 19): Your next assignment is to inject more fun into your job - or into anything that feels like work, for that matter. You've got a head start because lately you've been playing harder than usual. That should give you creative momentum as you reinvent your approach to activities that push you to your limits and test your resolve. For best results, be open to the possibility that you really don't have to keep being bored and cranky in places where you've assumed you will always be bored and cranky.

You're not bored and cranky, are you? You strike me as a fun loving person. This should be easy for you.

Peggy the Veggie said...

Aha, that's funny, it does take me a LOT to be bored and cranky :) And I LOVE my job... but 'anything that feels like work' might refer to school starting next week. Ack!

Thanks again for typing this up for me! you totally didn't have to but that was pretty darn neat, even if it is "just a horoscope"

HiHoRosie said...

1) love the fun on a stick! That's a great idea - very happy.

2) I totally get the silent, non-breathing, going on forever laughs. They're the best. They usually happen over things most people wouldn't find quite as funny but in certain moments it's uncontrollable. :)

3) CRrrraaazzzEEEe horror-scopes but Jacob's is best. He will definitely make it across those monkey bars. I remember doing those as a kid. It was a challenge, even had the callouses to prove it but so fun. He'll get there in no time.

4) love the pic.

HiHoRosie said...

Oh and I'm a Libra... Please no butt massages!! :)

shannonmarie said...

Peggy, good luck at school.

So Rosie, you are a Libra. No butt massages, I promise. Here ya go:

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): The 19th century American philosopher Henry David Thoreau accomplished a lot. Among his voluminous body of work was "Civil Disobedience," a book that inspired Tolstoy, Ghandi and Martin Luther King Jr. In the two-million-word journal he kept for over two decades, he wrote about nature with a precision and care that prefigured modern-day environmentalism. But Thoreau also knew how to relax, and he was free of anxiety about living up to other people's standards of success.

One passage in his journal reads, "For many years I was a self-appointed inspector of snowstorms and rainstorms and did my duty faithfully, though I never received payment for it."

He's your role model for the rest of 2008, Libra. May he inspire you to give yourself the slack you need and compete with no one but yourself as you become more of the unique work of art you were born to be.

Dhrumil said...

Awesome bay photo!

shannonmarie said...

Thanks :-)

HiHoRosie said...

Oooh, mine's a pretty good one. :)

Si Dawson said...

I thought that sounded familiar.

That's Rob Brezsny (the guy who wrote the horoscopes). He's regularly that amusing/inspiring.

You can sign up for a weekly email from him that includes his horoscopes and all sorts of other interesting/inspiring stuff at Free Will Astrology .Com

He has a truly amazing view on life.

[found you from gi2mr :) ]

shannonmarie said...

Yup, you're right. I always get a kick out of what he has to say.

Thanks for the info and for stopping by :-)